Positive psychology is NOT "Happy-ology"
- Martin Seligman
The only people who don't experience pain are psychopaths... and the dead.
- Tal ben-Shahar
- Martin Seligman
The only people who don't experience pain are psychopaths... and the dead.
- Tal ben-Shahar
The "quick link" for this page is: tinyurl.com/notHappyology
Positive psychology is not about denying negative experiences. You will have negative emotions in your life. Everyone does. Here are some things you can try. Try a few. See what makes you feel better. And remember, the negative feelings will pass. Give yourself time. Also, keep in mind the role of all emotions in evolution. They are to keep you alive and help you survive. So they do have a good purpose.
Here are nearly 60 things you can do. The links will give you more information and ideas.
Send feedback, suggestions and other links to: marchelgesen(at)gmail.com
Positive psychology is not about denying negative experiences. You will have negative emotions in your life. Everyone does. Here are some things you can try. Try a few. See what makes you feel better. And remember, the negative feelings will pass. Give yourself time. Also, keep in mind the role of all emotions in evolution. They are to keep you alive and help you survive. So they do have a good purpose.
Here are nearly 60 things you can do. The links will give you more information and ideas.
Send feedback, suggestions and other links to: marchelgesen(at)gmail.com
Realistic Expectations. Life will have ups and downs. That is true for every one. The "realistic expectations" link is to a podcast that is an interview with a woman comparing what she expects in her native Costa Rica vs. the USA where she grew up. And HERE is a blog about setting realistic expectations.
Dealing with Covid stress. First, take care of yourself as a teacher. We are under a lot of stress. (tips from UNICEF). Also, notice stress in your students and give them ways to encourage their well-being..
Isolation & loneliness. Whether because of the pandemic or just because you don't happen to have someone to connect with, this is a problem. HERE at tips from the Mental Health Foundation. And MORE from the NIH (National Institutes for Health). Just need to make more friends? Try these ideas.
Love and romance just aren't working out. This is a hard topic because everyone's situation is different. But here are a couple articles that might help: When your relationship sucks, take these 5 steps. And 5 lessons on romance. Maybe this is the most important one: Learn to LOVE YOURSELF.
Job crafting. Whether you are a teacher, a student looking forward to a career or anyone else working a job, you can "craft" your position to make it more meaningful. This article by the creators of the idea give you the background on job crafting. The this article gives you example of how to modify your job. But what if your job really sucks, and you can't do anything about it. Here's something to try. Good luck!
Related: Want to help the part-time teachers at your school? (this can be part of your own job crafting), See these articles: Millner, 2017. Helgesen, October 2019. p. 13-16 (update of Helgesen, 2009).
Data from presentation PowerPoint: If you have a best friends at work, you are 7 times more likely to be engaged with your job, co-workers and customers. You'll do better quality work, have few injuries and have better well-being.
Source: Gallup Research: https://getlighthouse.com/blog/best-friend-at-work-bff/
Here's a link to the original Gallup Research article
Classroom activity links:
Task crafting: 10 minutes for happiness, Main activity center
Relationship crafting: Maslow and Part-timers (see Oct 2019)
Cognitive crafting: Warm-ups/Tasks for Non-English majors
Related: Want to help the part-time teachers at your school? (this can be part of your own job crafting), See these articles: Millner, 2017. Helgesen, October 2019. p. 13-16 (update of Helgesen, 2009).
Data from presentation PowerPoint: If you have a best friends at work, you are 7 times more likely to be engaged with your job, co-workers and customers. You'll do better quality work, have few injuries and have better well-being.
Source: Gallup Research: https://getlighthouse.com/blog/best-friend-at-work-bff/
Here's a link to the original Gallup Research article
Classroom activity links:
Task crafting: 10 minutes for happiness, Main activity center
Relationship crafting: Maslow and Part-timers (see Oct 2019)
Cognitive crafting: Warm-ups/Tasks for Non-English majors
• Savor (a meal, fruit, candy, almost anything but food is easy to savor). The key: eat it slowly. Use all the senses. HERE is a script for teaching your students to eat a blueberry with mindfulness. It works with any food. (I often use chocolate when introducing this to students). If food isn't practical, HEREvisualize_lemon_script_2_2023.pdf is script for visualizing (imagining) savoring a lemon. (NOTE: for both of these, speak SLOWLY. Really take the time to notice.
• notice good things that happened today and why (Why they happened or why they were good.) HANDOUT.
• notice good things that happened today and why (Why they happened or why they were good.) HANDOUT.
• Meditate or deep breathing.
I often share “loving kindness compassion” meditation with students. It is very concrete and easy to follow:
Here's a 5- minute mindfulness breathing meditation.
Walking meditation. This is a good way to meditate. I'm not sure if you can really learn it from a video (I was taught it by a monk). But try it. See what you think. 4-minute version (English subtitles.). 1-minute version (English, Japanese and Indonesian subtitles). I think this is too short to really learn it, but it will give you and idea.
I often share “loving kindness compassion” meditation with students. It is very concrete and easy to follow:
Here's a 5- minute mindfulness breathing meditation.
Walking meditation. This is a good way to meditate. I'm not sure if you can really learn it from a video (I was taught it by a monk). But try it. See what you think. 4-minute version (English subtitles.). 1-minute version (English, Japanese and Indonesian subtitles). I think this is too short to really learn it, but it will give you and idea.
• Take a walk
- Notice nature. (Try "forest bathing)
- If you are in a city, you can still notice nature. Trees, flowers, sounds (birds, etc.)
- Notice wabi-sabi. I live in Japan. Wabi-sabi is "beautiful imperfection." Japanese gardens -- uneven and asymmetrical -- are an example (in contrast with English gardens). I walk past wabi-sabi every day but often don't notice. Sometimes when I go for a walk, I take the time to really notice. Where ever you live, there is something beautiful to notice.
• Random acts of kindness. One of my favorites: Drop a foreign coin in a kids park. They'll find this "exotic" gift and wonder where it is from. (Photo: Lina Trochez/unsplash). My favorite school activity is Choco Ninja.
• Non-random acts of kindness (just unexpected). Do something kind for people who don't expect it. For example office staff, school guards, etc. Maybe a bag of chocolate. You will feel happy giving it. But they will probably share with others so they will be happier, too. You are spreading happiness.
• Non-random acts of kindness (just unexpected). Do something kind for people who don't expect it. For example office staff, school guards, etc. Maybe a bag of chocolate. You will feel happy giving it. But they will probably share with others so they will be happier, too. You are spreading happiness.
Controlling your smart phone / social media use. OK, this seems like a strange topic for this page. But for many people, phones and social media are addictions. Here are some sources to learn more about things you can do. (Photo: Ravi Sharma/ unsplash)
HERE is a set of PowerPoint slides I used in a presentation in the Philippines with information about smartphone, addiction, etc.
How to control your cell phone use. This is from "wikihow" so not super scientific but very practical and easy to understand.
Does social media cause depression? OK, this should probably say "correlate" rather than "cause" but interesting, especially if you work with or have kids.
HERE is a set of PowerPoint slides I used in a presentation in the Philippines with information about smartphone, addiction, etc.
How to control your cell phone use. This is from "wikihow" so not super scientific but very practical and easy to understand.
Does social media cause depression? OK, this should probably say "correlate" rather than "cause" but interesting, especially if you work with or have kids.
• Exercise. Exercise 3 times a week a strong in dealing with mild depression as psychiatric medicine. You gotta move. HERE is a link to exercise activities I use in class. Less than 5 minutes each. And HERE's another short article on exercise as a way of relieving depression symptoms. (Photo: BrunoNascimento/Unsplash)
- Laugh. Laughter is actually good for you. Find cartoons or youtube videos you like. The link is for a Mayo Clinic report on laughter.
• Cry. Crying is good for you, too. It releases oxytocin and endorphin, chemicals that make you feel better.
Anxiety & Worry. HERE are 6 ways to deal with anxiety and worry. They are all easy to do. And HERE are other tips from the Tokyo Mental Health page. Scroll down or search (CTRL + F) for "What you can do." And HERE is a link that is a little different. It is about the benefits of anxiety. Read the introduction. For the "how to" ideas, scroll down until you see the multi-colored human heads. The scroll back up to when DK starts, "It is an anxious time..." (Photo: 8machine/unsplash)
• Depression. More common than most of us think. It is a disease, not a weakness. Make it OK to talk about. If you or your students need professional help, get it. I show my students THIS MEME to bring up the topic. I use rainy season as an excuse to bring it up. Rainy season doesn't cause clinical depression, but it is a time many people feel down. I want them to know they can talk about problems and that I understand and will help them get help. HERE is an issue of the JALT Mind/Brain/Education SIG Think Tank magazine we did on the topic.
A quote I find useful: "When you give a depressed person advice on how to get better, there’s a good chance all you are doing is telling the person that you just don’t get it." - David Brooks (NYTimes, 2/2/2023). That's the reason I like using the above meme. It indicates I do get it. And maybe we can talk.
Seasonal affective disorder (SAD depression): SPRING. SUMMER AUTUMN (anxiety) WINTER
(Thanks to Chiyuki Yanase for suggesting the seasonal sites).
A quote I find useful: "When you give a depressed person advice on how to get better, there’s a good chance all you are doing is telling the person that you just don’t get it." - David Brooks (NYTimes, 2/2/2023). That's the reason I like using the above meme. It indicates I do get it. And maybe we can talk.
Seasonal affective disorder (SAD depression): SPRING. SUMMER AUTUMN (anxiety) WINTER
(Thanks to Chiyuki Yanase for suggesting the seasonal sites).
• Call/ talk to a friend/ family member.
• Write and send a post card or letter. (a couple of my friends highly recommend doing this with “old school” pen and paper, not email. Works for them.).
HERE is an interview with Michael Gerson (8:00). He was a columnist for the Washington Post and a commentator for PBS. Before that, he was a White House speech writer. He talks very directly about his own experience with depression.
• Write and send a post card or letter. (a couple of my friends highly recommend doing this with “old school” pen and paper, not email. Works for them.).
HERE is an interview with Michael Gerson (8:00). He was a columnist for the Washington Post and a commentator for PBS. Before that, he was a White House speech writer. He talks very directly about his own experience with depression.
Burnout. Here's a short article from Harvard Business Review on the topic. Burnout is a problem for many, many teachers.
• Find ways to deal with stress. There are many ways. Find one(s) that work for you. (photo: Anthony Tran / Unsplash)
- Prayer, religion/spirituality. People with a Christian background may find this sermon by the late Michael Gerson, Washington Post columnist, interesting.
- Meditation
- Mindfulness exercise
- Social activities like dancing
- Gratitude exercises/activities
When life sucks. If life is really bad, you might need to see a professional. Really, get help. But HERE is a useful article to read in the mean time.
(Photo: Markus Spiske/ Unsplash)
(Photo: Markus Spiske/ Unsplash)
What NOT to say when someone has cancer. This is a little different than the other items on this page, but it is something many/most of us have to deal with from time to time. A good friend. posted it shortly before he went into hospice. His comment, whenever anyway said something about his cancer was, "Yeah, not exactly a diet I'd recommend." I borrowed the line. This was written by an American. See if it makes sense in your culture. Thanks to my friend for sharing it.
Other sources of information:
• Lyubomirsky. S. (2007) , The How of Happiness, New York: Penguin.
• Akhtar, M. (2012) Positive Psychology for Overcoming Depression. London: Watkins.
• Lyubomirsky. S. (2007) , The How of Happiness, New York: Penguin.
• Akhtar, M. (2012) Positive Psychology for Overcoming Depression. London: Watkins.